Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
