i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
