Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
