I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
