I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
