dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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