remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
