my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
