Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
