I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
