ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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