You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
