I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
