Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
