I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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