There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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