Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
