I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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