There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
