We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think your dad took our porno
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
