I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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