Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
