his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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