Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
