hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
