she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
