how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
