I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
