She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
