I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
