my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
