well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
