My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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