I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
