I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
