I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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