he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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