he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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