I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
