the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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