i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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