there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
