where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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