Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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