i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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