come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
