Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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