You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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