problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
