I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
