____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
