He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
