i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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