the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
