Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
