he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
