I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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