I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
