Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
