I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
