so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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