Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
