Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
