Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
