I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So here I am, sexting at work.
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