ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
