I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
