Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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