We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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