You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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