1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
