Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
