my phone needs a breathalizer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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