Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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