2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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