Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
