Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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