if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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